Can't Get Any!
by The 3 ladies
Summary: Duo played a prank on Wufei and 05 wants revenge. Wufei gets pay back when Duo is rounding the bases with a girl and ruins everything.–Lady Blink


Can't Get Any.  
  
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Hello. Welcome to a little fic I came up with in my sick, f**ked up mind. Total thing has sex talk in it. Enjoy. Please review! *Singing. * Gonorrhea! Gonorrhea! Gonorrhea! Gonorrhea! © Copyright by Lady Blink. Alright? DON'T TOUCH IT MOTHER F**KERS!  
  
Disclaimer: Me no own, you no sue.  
  
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Wufei: I'm going to kill that baka. As soon as he gets home I'm going to chop off his braid.  
  
Quatre: *Sips tea. * Calm down. I don't want blood all over my kitchen titles.  
  
Wufei: Can I kill him in the garage if I put a tarp out?  
  
Quatre: *Thinks. * Okay. *Sips tea some more. *  
  
*Wufei smiles as he plans the Deathscythe pilot's death. *  
  
*20 minutes later the stunning Duo Maxwell walks into the kitchen with a girl on his arm. *  
  
Duo: *Mumbling to the girl. * Go up to my room and.  
  
Girl: Okay. *Giggles. *  
  
Duo: *smirking. * Hey Q-man! Hello Wuffers!  
  
Wufei: Hello Maxwell. How are you?  
  
Duo: Just fine. *Smiles at the girl and then at Wufei. *  
  
Wufei: As I imagine you would. *Gets up and walks to the girl. * And whom is this beautiful onna-I mean, young woman you are carrying around on your arm Maxwell?  
  
Duo: *getting suspicious. * Maria. Maria Cocks.  
  
Quatre: *Squeak. * *Giggle. *  
  
Wufei: Duo has told me about you Ms.Cocks. *Quatre tries to hold in laughter. The teacup shaking in his hands as he tries to put it back on the saucer. *  
  
Maria: Good things I hope Wuffers!  
  
Wufei: *Eye twitching. * Chang Wufei. *Thinks. Puts on a confused look. * Maria Cocks? *Quatre giggles again. *  
  
Maria: Yeah.  
  
Wufei: But Duo said you look like a total tramp. Like you just walked off the streets. A blow queen is what I heard. I don't see it.  
  
Duo: *stunned. * WHAT?!! WUFEI!!  
  
Maria: *Pissed off. * So you did say that Duo?!!!  
  
Duo: Yes. I mean no. Yeah, no. You don't look like a tramp baby.  
  
Maria: But I'm a blow queen?  
  
*Wufei smiles while he watches 02 dig his grave deeper. *  
  
Duo: No. I.like you. I would never say that about you sweetie.  
  
Maria: YOU F***ING BASTARD!!! *Maria kicks Duo right in the sensitive area. *  
  
Duo: *Hunched over and grabbing himself. * OHHHH!! Jesus Christ!!! My balls!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Mother f***er!!! MY BALLS ARE ON FIRE!! AHHH! THE PAIN!!  
  
*Wufei is about to piss himself at Duo grabbing his "goal box" in agony. Quatre looks away at the sight because it's just too damn painful to watch. *  
  
Wufei: *Barely regaining himself. * He said he was going to make you scream like a nun in a whorehouse.  
  
Duo: *Looking up in horror. * WHAT?!!  
  
Maria: You're such an ass! *Pepper sprays Maxwell. *  
  
Duo: AHHHHH!!! MY beautiful eyes!! You bitch! *Maria screams censored words and sprays again. * AHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
*Wufei is leaning against a chair laughing. He's face is bright red and going purple. *  
  
Maria: *Intense red. * Thanks Wuffers! *Looks at the crying, hunched over Duo. * I was going to do it with you too! Kasama! *She stomps off through the door. *  
  
Duo: W--hy?. Why. Wufei? o.0 .My balls. I think they're going to fall off.  
  
Quatre: *_*  
  
Wufei: You painted my Dragon Fang pink and wrote "Spineless Onna" across it in purple. You had it coming and you know it.  
  
Duo: My eyes burn and so do my nuts. Ahhhhhhh. The pain.  
  
Wufei: *Holds up condoms in between two fingers. * Guess you won't you be needing these.  
  
*Wufei laughs. 05 throws the condoms in the air and they hand all around Duo, who is kneeling over, crying. Wufei leaves to go re-paint his Dragon Fang. *  
  
Duo: *Sob. * So close. *Sob. * AHHHHH!!! SO CLOSE!!! Oh! Ouch! My nuts. Ouch. Ouch.  
  
Quatre: *Shakes head. * Maria Cocks. *Giggle. * Silly name.  
  
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Okay. That's it. I'm almost done with "Dear Gundam Boys Part 4". ^_^ Sometime I'm going to write a Gundam Wing fanfic with lots of dirty, stomach turning, kinky sex. Lots of it! With the pairing of 02+13 and 05+04. Oh yes! And rate it G. Just joking! n_n OR I AM?!!!! *Raises eyebrows and mystery music plays. *.Right. Goodbye. R&R please! 


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